May 2009
0 posts
We'll cross that bridge when we get there...
It’s tough to traverse over a body of water or major road without actually being at that location. I know you’re anxious, but seeing as we aren’t anywhere near that bridge, unless you have full control over time and space, we’ll have to go over when we are actually there… and, no, I am not procrastinating.
See also: Play it by ear.
April 2009
14 posts
Once bitten, twice shy
If something bites me, I will not bite it back. I will not even slap it back, or talk shit about it. Rather, I will take two times the required in-action to avoid it biting me again. Then I will write a pretty crappy song about it and make an even crappier music video (after learning guitar, growing my hair out, and forming a rock band, of course).
Watch
Poker face
I don’t want you to know what I’m thinking so I will very unsuspiciously remove all expression from my face….damn, now you know that I’m thinking about how I don’t want you to know what I’m thinking…
To a 'T'
Accuracy = right angles
Welcome to my world
I hope you’re well acquainted with my problems. They’re your problems now.
Nailed it!
Dude! You completed that with such speed and accuracy it simuated an action of light construction! Sweet!
Too cool for school
Too much hot new car for bus. Too many friends for extra curricular activities. Too coordinated and physically fit for student council.
Play it by ear
Ehhhhh… I’m not sure what’s gonna happen…and I don’t want to make any decisions about it… so I just won’t.
Darn tootin'!
“Damn fuckin’ straight!” said the man wearing spurs and/or a non-ironic handlebar mustache.
People who are good looking and stupid
They won the genetic lottery and therefore have no evolutionary need to develop an intellect. They make it hard for the rest of us ridiculously good looking people to get taken seriously. Seriously.
Sweet Tooth
There’s a little piece of calcium and enamel in my mouth that tastes freaking delicious. It sits in there next to the other teeth and sends messages to my stomach and my brain that it needs delicious tasting sugary morsel friends to come hang out with it in my mouth. That’s why I eat the way I do.
Rome wasn't built in a day
Your thesis may look shoddy now, but important and influential things take time… like, give or take 2500 years.
See also: http://www.newmuseum.org/events/314
Pretty Penny
According to this model, aesthetically appealing pennies have a larger monetary value than ugly ones…
March 2009
11 posts
You win some, you lose some
Read: You lost.
Tattle tale
So I screwed up, okay? We could just keep this between the two of us, but no - you have to go scamper off and gain pleasure through informing our mutual authority figure(s)!
S.O.L. (shit outta luck)
Too bad, man. No one is going to help out a loser like you. You probably brought this upon yourself anyways, jerk. You shouldn’t have used up all that luck in high school with the ladies and in college with the course registration appointments.
Heavens to Betsy!
“Holy Shit!” exclaimed the elderly Prohibition era lady or a character in a Mark Twain novel.
...through the roof!
Every Slim Fast commercial I can remember includes someone describing his or her energy levels going “through the roof!” upon switching to the SlimFast Diet.
disgruntled art supply store employees
Usually artists themselves paying the bills by selling things. Mad because they can’t pay the bills with their art. Mad because you don’t know the difference between chisel and regular tip paint pens.
Why I oughta . . .
…do something really bad to you but I’m so mad right now I can’t even think of an appropriate description of that action!!!
It takes one to know one!
Read: you are one.
Horsefeathers!
Screw you man, you’re making that shit up!
Stuff your sorrys in a sack!
Quit saying you’re sorry and put away all those sorrys that are lying around because I am never going to forgive you, bitch! You did something shitty, now carry all of those sorrys around Santa style!